 Share Your Favourite Christian Jokes, Make us laugh! |
  |
 Jan 13 2009, 03:54 PM
Post
#1
|
|
 Advanced Member  Group: Forum Member Posts: 1,461 Joined: 15-May 06 From: England Member No.: 1,134 Country: England  |
QUOTE (JenniferT @ Dec 3 2008, 09:29 AM)  What do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? Thanks, I'll never part with it!  Are you for real? ha ha, these jokes are terrible.
-------------------- Godchild: The offspring of the creator of the universe.
|
 |
 
|
|
Dec 3 2008, 09:29 AM
Post
#2
|
|
|
Advanced Member Group: Assistants Posts: 217 Joined: 24-February 05 Member No.: 236 |
What do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow! What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? Thanks, I'll never part with it!
-------------------- We walk by faith, not by sight.
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 13 2008, 12:40 PM
Post
#3
|
|
|
Newbie Group: Forum Member Posts: 7 Joined: 11-November 08 Member No.: 17,229 Country: Uganda |
WHY AFRICANS ARE ALWAYS TIRED...
by the way its not laziness, here is the reason;........................ For a couple of years many Africans have been blaming it on lack of sleep, too much pressure from job, poor blood, but now the real reason has been found: We're tired because we're overworked. Here's why: 1. The population of Africa is 800 million: 200 million are retired. That leaves 600 million. 2. There are 200 million in school, which leaves 400 million to do the work. 3. Of this, there are 100 million employed by the government. Leaving 300 million to do the work. 4. 50 Million are in the armed forces & related jobs; which leaves 250 million to do the work. 5. Take from the total the 150 million people unemployed. And that leaves 100 million to do the work. 6. At any given time there are 50 Million people in hospitals. Leaving 50 Million to do the work. 7. There are 20 Million people in prisons. Leaving 30 million to do the work. 8. 1 Million are Chiefs, Kings, Queens, Presidents, Ministers,pastors, Voodoo or Juju Masters. Leaving 29 Million to do the work. 9. Now, 28,999,998 Africans are out of Africa . In Europe, USA , Asia etc. That leaves just two people to do all the work. You and me... but you're sitting there on your chair, at your computer, reading these emails instead of working............. That leaves one person, only me, to do all the work.... |
|
|
|
|
Nov 13 2008, 12:02 PM
Post
#4
|
|
|
Newbie Group: Forum Member Posts: 7 Joined: 11-November 08 Member No.: 17,229 Country: Uganda |
The Beauty of Math!
Absolutely amazing! 1 x 8 + 1 = 9 12 x 8 + 2 = 98 123 x 8 + 3 = 987 1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876 12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765 123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654 1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543 12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432 123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321 1 x 9 + 2 = 11 12 x 9 + 3 = 111 123 x 9 + 4 = 1111 1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111 12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111 123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111 1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111 12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111 123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111 9 x 9 + 7 = 88 98 x 9 + 6 = 888 987 x 9 + 5 = 8888 9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888 98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888 987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888 9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888 98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888 Brilliant, isn't it? And look at this symmetry: 1 x 1 = 1 11 x 11 = 121 111 x 111 = 12321 1111 x 1111 = 1234321 11111 x 11111 = 123454321 111111 x 111111 = 12345654321 1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321 11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321 111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321 Now, take a look at this.. 101% From a strictly mathematical viewpoint: What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%. How about ACHIEVING 101%? What equals 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. If: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% And: K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But: A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% THEN, look how far the love of God will take you: L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D 12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101% Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top! It's up to you if you share this with your friends & loved ones just the way I did. Have a great day & God bless!!! |
|
|
|
|
Jul 11 2008, 10:22 AM
Post
#5
|
|
 Advanced Member Group: Forum Member Posts: 170 Joined: 20-July 04 Member No.: 24 |
COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLIDAY
In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah ...yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!' The case was brought before a judge. The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, 'Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate, his own atheist holiday!' The lawyer said, 'Your Honour, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?' The judge said, 'Well it comes every year on exactly the same date - April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April Fools Day,' consider that Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is his holiday! Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom !' |
|
|
|
 Jun 2 2008, 11:51 PM
Post
#6
|
|
|
Member Group: Forum Member Posts: 39 Joined: 14-March 06 From: Manila, Philippines Member No.: 1,047 Country: Philippines |
The Meaning of the word POLITICS
It has two words first POLI in Latin it means Many and TICS means Blood Sucking Leeches. |
|
|
|
|
Mar 13 2008, 03:55 PM
Post
#7
|
|
 Advanced Member Group: Forum Member Posts: 155 Joined: 10-November 07 From: willesden green Member No.: 7,166 Country: london,willesden green |
QUOTE (Kiran @ Mar 12 2008, 04:07 PM) QUOTE (Godchild @ Oct 24 2007, 12:04 PM) Women are complex creatures If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman If you don't, you are not a man If you praise her, she thinks you are lying If you don't, you are good for nothing If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp If you don't, you are not understanding If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy If you don't, you are a dull boy If you are jealous, she says it's bad If you don't, she thinks you do not love her If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her If you don't, she thinks you do not like her If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait If she is late, she says that's a girl's way If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time" If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls" If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring If you talk, she wants you to listen If you listen, she wants you to talk In short: So simple, yet so complex So weak, yet so powerful So confusing, yet so desirable So damning, yet so wonderful... ...WOMEN!  LOL! that is sooo true! lol 
|
|
|
|
 Mar 12 2008, 05:06 PM
Post
#8
|
|
|
Advanced Member Group: Forum Member Posts: 1,461 Joined: 15-May 06 From: England Member No.: 1,134 Country: England |
QUOTE (DD4 @ Nov 22 2007, 09:24 PM) QUOTE (henrique @ Nov 22 2007, 06:29 PM) the devil lost a typing competition to Jesus, cos the electricity went out... the devil lost all his work, because only Jesus saves =D CLASSIC! Not really. Ha ha ha!
-------------------- Godchild: The offspring of the creator of the universe.
|
|
|
|
|
Mar 12 2008, 04:07 PM
Post
#9
|
|
 Advanced Member Group: Forum Member Posts: 126 Joined: 5-August 06 From: Finsbury Park Member No.: 1,207 Country: england |
QUOTE (Godchild @ Oct 24 2007, 12:04 PM) Women are complex creatures If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman If you don't, you are not a man If you praise her, she thinks you are lying If you don't, you are good for nothing If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp If you don't, you are not understanding If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy If you don't, you are a dull boy If you are jealous, she says it's bad If you don't, she thinks you do not love her If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her If you don't, she thinks you do not like her If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait If she is late, she says that's a girl's way If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time" If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls" If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring If you talk, she wants you to listen If you listen, she wants you to talk In short: So simple, yet so complex So weak, yet so powerful So confusing, yet so desirable So damning, yet so wonderful... ...WOMEN! LOL! -------------------- no sacrifice, no success!
|
|
|
|
|
Mar 4 2008, 08:37 AM
Post
#10
|
|
 Advanced Member Group: Assistants Posts: 1,045 Joined: 19-June 06 From: Stratford Member No.: 1,169 Country: united kingdom |
ur so funny, mind activator! -------------------- The pain only lasts for a short time, but the victory is forever...
|
|
|
|
|
Mar 1 2008, 04:37 AM
Post
#11
|
|
 Advanced Member Group: Forum Member Posts: 376 Joined: 24-July 07 From: somewhere in the UK Member No.: 3,730 Country: UK |
[/quote]
ur late!!!!!! gte with the programme mind activator, [/quote] sorry did i hear someone talking. must be my imagination 
-------------------- "Think Positive not Negative - God is Positive the Devil Negative - God's Word Powerful, The Devil's Defeatful & Deceitful"
|
|
|
|
|
Feb 26 2008, 03:01 PM
Post
#12
|
|
|
Advanced Member Group: Assistants Posts: 1,045 Joined: 19-June 06 From: Stratford Member No.: 1,169 Country: united kingdom |
QUOTE (Mind Activator @ Feb 18 2008, 01:37 PM) QUOTE (BWright @ Nov 16 2007, 05:56 PM) QUOTE (DD4 @ Nov 16 2007, 03:42 PM) QUOTE (Paulo @ Nov 16 2007, 02:33 PM) QUOTE (BWright @ Nov 16 2007, 01:36 PM) QUOTE (DD4 @ Nov 16 2007, 11:18 AM) QUOTE (Paulo @ Nov 16 2007, 10:32 AM) QUOTE (BWright @ Oct 31 2007, 12:38 PM) QUOTE (annmbeleg @ Oct 30 2007, 01:40 PM) QUOTE (Godchild @ Oct 24 2007, 12:04 PM) Women are complex creatures If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman If you don't, you are not a man If you praise her, she thinks you are lying If you don't, you are good for nothing If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp If you don't, you are not understanding If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy If you don't, you are a dull boy If you are jealous, she says it's bad If you don't, she thinks you do not love her If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her If you don't, she thinks you do not like her If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait If she is late, she says that's a girl's way If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time" If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls" If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring If you talk, she wants you to listen If you listen, she wants you to talk In short: So simple, yet so complex So weak, yet so powerful So confusing, yet so desirable So damning, yet so wonderful... ...WOMEN! true, true! Tis true Tis True GETME!!!!!!!!!! DECENT more true than u can imagine!!!! Paulo and BWright, if you don't mind me asking, how on earth would you know? past experiences lolol GET ME!!!! I'll take your word for it...after all i dnt live down south. (where teenagers are women since 1776) Yeh wat DD4 said  lol whoever came up with that, is spot on. spot on spot on sorry I had to say it again. cos is just sooooooooooo trrrrrrrrruuuuuuuueee Bless you all ur late!!!!!! gte with the programme mind activator,
-------------------- The pain only lasts for a short time, but the victory is forever...
|
|
|
|
|
Feb 18 2008, 01:37 PM
Post
#13
|
|
|
Advanced Member Group: Forum Member Posts: 376 Joined: 24-July 07 From: somewhere in the UK Member No.: 3,730 Country: UK |
QUOTE (BWright @ Nov 16 2007, 05:56 PM) QUOTE (DD4 @ Nov 16 2007, 03:42 PM) QUOTE (Paulo @ Nov 16 2007, 02:33 PM) QUOTE (BWright @ Nov 16 2007, 01:36 PM) QUOTE (DD4 @ Nov 16 2007, 11:18 AM) QUOTE (Paulo @ Nov 16 2007, 10:32 AM) QUOTE (BWright @ Oct 31 2007, 12:38 PM) QUOTE (annmbeleg @ Oct 30 2007, 01:40 PM) QUOTE (Godchild @ Oct 24 2007, 12:04 PM) Women are complex creatures If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman If you don't, you are not a man If you praise her, she thinks you are lying If you don't, you are good for nothing If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp If you don't, you are not understanding If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy If you don't, you are a dull boy If you are jealous, she says it's bad If you don't, she thinks you do not love her If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her If you don't, she thinks you do not like her If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait If she is late, she says that's a girl's way If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time" If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls" If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring If you talk, she wants you to listen If you listen, she wants you to talk In short: So simple, yet so complex So weak, yet so powerful So confusing, yet so desirable So damning, yet so wonderful... ...WOMEN! true, true! Tis true Tis True GETME!!!!!!!!!! DECENT more true than u can imagine!!!! Paulo and BWright, if you don't mind me asking, how on earth would you know? past experiences lolol GET ME!!!! I'll take your word for it...after all i dnt live down south. (where teenagers are women since 1776) Yeh wat DD4 said lol whoever came up with that, is spot on. spot on spot on sorry I had to say it again. cos is just sooooooooooo trrrrrrrrruuuuuuuueee Bless you all -------------------- "Think Positive not Negative - God is Positive the Devil Negative - God's Word Powerful, The Devil's Defeatful & Deceitful"
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 22 2007, 09:24 PM
Post
#14
|
|
 Advanced Member Group: Forum Member Posts: 393 Joined: 29-October 06 From: Home Member No.: 1,363 Country: United Kingdom |
QUOTE (henrique @ Nov 22 2007, 06:29 PM) the devil lost a typing competition to Jesus, cos the electricity went out... the devil lost all his work, because only Jesus saves =D CLASSIC! Not really. -------------------- "MY help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and earth." Psalm 121:2
|
|
|
|
|
Nov 22 2007, 06:29 PM
Post
#15
|
|
 Advanced Member Group: Forum Member Posts: 532 Joined: 10-August 05 Member No.: 685 |
the devil lost a typing competition to Jesus, cos the electricity went out...
the devil lost all his work, because only Jesus saves =D CLASSIC! -------------------- all topics that get mislead, finish them on vyg's longest topic... keep the same topic intended here, and finish the mislead there, getme?! (and that topic is now called NET)
|
|
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
| Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 23rd November 2009 - 04:17 AM |